A miracle

Last night I sent words again to God. I said, "God, can i just change these pills into another time with him?". They don't help me much. But the time You gave me today had strengthened me magicly.

"Or if You want, God, I can take all the pills and promise I won't ever throw it again, but I beg You to give me one more time to see him sitting across from me and watch me close, feeling what I named 'A' miracle again."
It would never be mind if I had to felt somewhat painful inside if later he told me more about a girl of his life.
In fact, I did wanna continue crying that time, but I tried to hold it, cause I remembered when he told me to stop crying.
I believed she should deserve him anyway. And so that 'A' miracle was never really mine.

___God, teach me how to move....Should I step up, or step away? I'm so afraid of being wrong, and ruin what we have been till now. He was the one whom I was thinking of when I prayed and begged You to end up my five years-waiting in sickness____

I always told him my signs, then I caught something sounded like "clues" when he told me he's my friend and I was just like the others for him.
Then may be that is what i have to be.
Thx God I used to stand alone, so if it's true, it may not be that hurt.

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