Wednesday, September 21, 2011

P E O P L E

When you touch something coldest around,
I tell you it is not the atmosphere,
it's people.

When you face paths of complexity,
I tell you it is not a labyrinth,
it's people.

When you see nothingness at the end of the road,
I tell you it is not your fear,
it's people.

When you hear howling in a silent night,
I tell you it is not a wolferine,
it's people.

When you think of what makes you bleed,
I tell you it is not the knife,
it's people.

When you question what blurs your sight,
I tell you it is not the fog,
it's people.

When you discover a reason for every single tear you drop,
I tell you it is not the life,
it's people.

Cause you know now,
when you notice something changes so fast,
I tell you it is not the time,
it's P E O P L E.
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Saturday, September 17, 2011

Thx God for the Clues

Seems like all the clues are getting clear. Love make time pass, and time make love pass. Now i know to which direction i have to take a step. Yet here, i decide to stand still like i'm used to.

Though this time i'm sure that "i am in love", and though it's for the second time ever. But this is for the first time in my life where i'm being raised up, and i feel good.
___ i am ready for not being scared___ for something i have never faced before___ and for the sake of learning to be wise and nice.

I know i should have moved away after all the clues coming up. But now i am still loving you, and what i know is
"if you love somebody, just let go of him. If he comes back to you, he's yours forever. But if not, he might never meant to be."
So there might be two reasons if i moved away someday, it's my giving up, or realizing that you might not be destined to be that one.
Or it can be also caused by the third, the real and strongest possibilty that i used to ignore. It's God's other plans.

Now, would you allow me to stand here for a moment and watch you go?
Promise that i won't make your steps heavy like in chains. Cause i just want to love you in respect and devotion.
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Friday, September 16, 2011

A miracle

Last night I sent words again to God. I said, "God, can i just change these pills into another time with him?". They don't help me much. But the time You gave me today had strengthened me magicly.

"Or if You want, God, I can take all the pills and promise I won't ever throw it again, but I beg You to give me one more time to see him sitting across from me and watch me close, feeling what I named 'A' miracle again."
It would never be mind if I had to felt somewhat painful inside if later he told me more about a girl of his life.
In fact, I did wanna continue crying that time, but I tried to hold it, cause I remembered when he told me to stop crying.
I believed she should deserve him anyway. And so that 'A' miracle was never really mine.

___God, teach me how to move....Should I step up, or step away? I'm so afraid of being wrong, and ruin what we have been till now. He was the one whom I was thinking of when I prayed and begged You to end up my five years-waiting in sickness____

I always told him my signs, then I caught something sounded like "clues" when he told me he's my friend and I was just like the others for him.
Then may be that is what i have to be.
Thx God I used to stand alone, so if it's true, it may not be that hurt.
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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

WHAT'S SENSE OF TELLING YOU THIS?

You came closer, they came closer, like there was something wrong in all you had just taken.
Then you tried to make things right by stepping away, yet they still loved gaining on me without you knew.
I had given up as you did, because I thought that was all you told me to do for good. But they were still here, gaining on me.
So what's sense of telling you this? You might not understand what i suffered You might not see...
Believe me, i was on my way of telling you. Yet still i often gave you some clues, for i never wanted to be a big mouth damsel. I really really hope you would get that, thought you'd never know that i still believed that u were the star i saw in my darkest nightsky, always had been, always would be...
So what's sense of telling you this? Cause you had walked away.
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Thursday, September 1, 2011

D O W N

It is never a pleasure to give up for something and end up for nothing. But I think I am just fine, for I know I am used to it.
I am sitting next to my bed and waiting for a call, and then I cry to sleep, a thing I loved to do in the night. It won’t hurt me anyway or break my bonds. It is absolutely a secret way of figuring out a pain, though I don’t know whether somebody has ever hurt me or not.
Why on earth people get hurt if no one hurts them? And how then could I feel this kind of pain? Yesterday I felt it was like a sickness, and today I think it is madness.
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Laburnums

I had no strength to control my mood; didn’t know what to do to make my heart’s stuff right. So then I took a walk up the hill to find some cheeriness. I saw a child holding a black pot and pouring some water down on his Laburnums. I got confused. How could he got his Laburnums grow in contrast? They grew beautifully with different yellow intensities. But then they couldn’t grow up together, for the pot space was made only for single Laburnum. The child was full of anguish. He knew he couldn’t keep all his Laburnums alive. He had to do something. He chose the brightest one to survive in his pot and pulled out the other ones. What an ironic I thought. One by one, the Laburnums fell down to the ground. I couldn’t understand why that child had no need to replant them all even on the ground he stepped on. Were they too bad to live a longer life? That walk showed me what life was like. Life was a competition which sometimes seemed cruel and uneven. We could fight for our own goodness or we might live defenselessly like a myrmidon, or we might have destined for it.
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