WHAT'S SENSE OF TELLING YOU THIS?

You came closer, they came closer, like there was something wrong in all you had just taken.
Then you tried to make things right by stepping away, yet they still loved gaining on me without you knew.
I had given up as you did, because I thought that was all you told me to do for good. But they were still here, gaining on me.
So what's sense of telling you this? You might not understand what i suffered You might not see...
Believe me, i was on my way of telling you. Yet still i often gave you some clues, for i never wanted to be a big mouth damsel. I really really hope you would get that, thought you'd never know that i still believed that u were the star i saw in my darkest nightsky, always had been, always would be...
So what's sense of telling you this? Cause you had walked away.

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D O W N

It is never a pleasure to give up for something and end up for nothing. But I think I am just fine, for I know I am used to it.
I am sitting next to my bed and waiting for a call, and then I cry to sleep, a thing I loved to do in the night. It won’t hurt me anyway or break my bonds. It is absolutely a secret way of figuring out a pain, though I don’t know whether somebody has ever hurt me or not.
Why on earth people get hurt if no one hurts them? And how then could I feel this kind of pain? Yesterday I felt it was like a sickness, and today I think it is madness.

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Laburnums

I had no strength to control my mood; didn’t know what to do to make my heart’s stuff right. So then I took a walk up the hill to find some cheeriness. I saw a child holding a black pot and pouring some water down on his Laburnums. I got confused. How could he got his Laburnums grow in contrast? They grew beautifully with different yellow intensities. But then they couldn’t grow up together, for the pot space was made only for single Laburnum. The child was full of anguish. He knew he couldn’t keep all his Laburnums alive. He had to do something. He chose the brightest one to survive in his pot and pulled out the other ones. What an ironic I thought. One by one, the Laburnums fell down to the ground. I couldn’t understand why that child had no need to replant them all even on the ground he stepped on. Were they too bad to live a longer life? That walk showed me what life was like. Life was a competition which sometimes seemed cruel and uneven. We could fight for our own goodness or we might live defenselessly like a myrmidon, or we might have destined for it.

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